Saturday morning I did a women’s event for a church at Chicago, Bethel Community Church. That was interesting because we had a great question and answer time. One question really struck a chord with me. A woman stood up and said she’d be starting work with her husband in his business this fall, and she was very cautious and seemed to have a strong personality and asked, “what can I do, what’s the one piece of advice you can give me for helping to ensure that I don’t mess this up, how I approach my husband, now that he is not just my husband but my co-worker and boss? I told her that I thought she was absolutely astute to ask that question, and I shared with her from my own experience of working with my husband that the one thing that you need to do most of all is to think about everything that you say before you say it while you are in the process of learning how to work together.
Just as husbands can misunderstand very benign comments from a wife as disrespect, they can see disrespect where none is intended from a wife; and that is magnified tenfold when you are actually working together and they see you questioning their judgment as a co-worker or boss. Until you are in that habit, it’s important to catch yourself before you say anything; and that was the one piece of advice I gave her. I was very appreciative that some women were thinking in that direction rather than going in blind and stumbling around, and quitting the marriage relationship like some other couples we know.
That was the high of the trip. There was one low, and that was a meeting I had along the way with a small group of people that we had been trying to get together. I had wanted to share some concerns and figured while I was in town we could do so. This was a group of analysts that I had worked with in the past and respected. And I was absolutely stunned to hear that they were misunderstanding some of things that I have said in the book - and they were very concerned because they thought that I was saying some of these things that I wasn’t saying. It seemed that they were dead set in their opinion, and still seems to a certain degree like it might be very difficult to change their minds.
Its one thing to have that misunderstanding from a reader who is hurting perhaps and is choosing to see things that aren’t there- I could get an email from a hurting reader who misunderstood me and thinks that I’m telling men that its okay to look at another woman. In which I would explain visual temptation and say that of course it is not okay for them to look. Some women misunderstand that. That is one thing to have a misunderstanding. it’s another thing to hear that same misunderstanding, that same misperception coming from a small group of people that I really respect.
It was a very difficult meeting because what they were accusing me of saying is 180 degrees opposite my heart. I would never say the things that they believed that I was saying. I show the same concerns that they do. That was a very difficult couple of hours, and I’m really thinking and praying hard about how to answer these questions and concerns from people who don’t seem to be willing to listen to what I have to say in some ways.
So, a lot of people say “Wow! It must be so fun to be an author.” And yeah, sometimes it is, but sometimes it’s really hard too; but if you are reading this blog and think about it, why don’t you pray for me so that I can know how to answer these concerns and so that I can make any changes in my approach that I need to make if there’s something I’m not seeing. I always appreciate the prayers of my readers.