I’m not traveling today. In fact I’m sitting at my computer working on the scripts for my next round of radio spots instead of curling up with a good book before bedtime - which is what I’d prefer to be doing! And I just made the mistake of procrastinating on the radio spots by checking the Amazon page for my book “For Women Only.” All authors have a secret obsession with their Amazon pages for two reasons: “what is the ranking??” (627, a few minutes ago, in case anyone is wondering.) And “Has anyone posted a comment lately?”
Most of my Amazon comments are terrific, and I’m like a gleeful kid when I read them. I love hearing how something has changed a life or a marriage! But every now and then I get a posting that makes me sooo upset. Largely because it says that I say something in the book that I NEVER say and WOULD NEVER say. I don’t mind when a man or woman honestly disagrees with my findings or criticizes a point I feel strongly about. Some women, for example, truly feel like men ‘shouldn’t’ get mad when they tease them in public. OK, fine, I think you’re sabotaging your marriage, but that’s up to you to work out. I present the information and if you don’t like it or disagree with it, well don’t listen. But what gets me so mad is when someone makes completely inaccurate claims that are actively damaging, because they are 180 degrees the opposite of what I think or say in the book. For example, here was the recent posting from Amazon, followed by the ‘comment’ that I posted in response:
Her post: “The practical solution given to a woman whose husband chases women down the aisles at Home Depot is pray and lose weight that he won’t be “so tempted”...If you are a male struggling with ogling and especially if you are a church-goer, this book will excuse you.. If your marriage is not working and try to get advise from this book, it will help by sentencing the wife to misery.”
My response: “I rarely respond to comments on Amazon, but I just have to correct the record on this. It is extremely important for men to take responsibility for their choice to keep their thought life pure. And nowhere in the book will you find anywhere that “excuses” a sinful choice on the part of a man who struggles with visual temptation. Very much the opposite, in fact. But this is not a book for men, it’s a book for women (hence the title), so that we at least understand this very, very common temptation and do not add to it by how we dress, for example. This culture presents a lot of temptations for men that they were never supposed to be presented with. And we as women have to wake up and not make it more difficult for them. As I said, I rarely respond to Amazon postings, but I’m passionate about this subject, and this review this so wildly contradicts what I believe and what I say in the book that I had to at least try to set the record straight. I really do understand the hurt that can come by misunderstanding this, and I want to avoid that wherever possible. - Shaunti”
For the past 3 ½ years since For Women Only came out I’ve been pondering the question of what it is that makes a small number of women jump to the assumption that when I describe how men are wired, that therefore I’m saying “it’s okay to look.” Over and over again, I say it ISN”T okay to look! I’m so puzzled why some people just see what they want to see and refuse to change their mind even if I can quote page after page that contradicts them! I haven’t figured out the answer yet. But if you have any insight, I’d be curious to hear it.