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Subject: What Do You Think of My Song?
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Gods_girlUser is Offline

Posts:22


04/20/2009 6:55 PM  
Please please PLEASE let me know what you think and give me some ideas to make it better.
I nearly cried.
I know so many people that I've never met...Maybe there are some of you with family members that were so brave as to go out and fight.
=)

Here it is:

The soldier on the battle field
The one that would never yield
The one that fought till his last breath
And till' the job was done he would not rest

Now here he lay on the ground
Helpless, defenseless, listening to the sound
He knew he didn't have very long
So he wrote this song

Finish every single battle
Never stop 'till the very end
Learn every single lesson
Make every enemy your friend
Don't make more trouble than what's needed
For you to understand
Just fight.

Tears flowed from his eyes
As he counted what was left of time
He knew someone had spotted him
But he vowed he'd try not to give in
And he prayed

Lord, I don't know what's gonna happen
If You want to see me now, just know I'm willin'
Do what you have to do
For people to live long enough to know you

Slowly he closed his eyes
Then he imagined the skies
Seeing God in all His splendor
Knowing just what he did was right
And He says to fight

So...
Finish every single battle
Never stop till the very end
Learn every single lesson
Make your enemy your friend
Don't make more trouble than what's needed
For you to understand
Just fight.

OH! Yeah...God Bless! =D
Gods_girlUser is Offline

Posts:22


04/20/2009 8:20 PM  
OOPS! That was my draft! MY BAD!

The soldier on the battle field
The one that would never yield
The one that fought till his last breath
And till' the job was done he would not rest

Now here he lay on the ground
Helpless, defenseless, listening to the sound
He knew he didn't have very long
So he wrote this song

Finish every single battle
Never stop 'till the very end
Learn every single lesson
Make just one more friend
Don't make more trouble than what's needed
For you to understand
Just fight

Tears flowed from his eyes
As he counted what was left of time
He knew someone had spotted him
But he tried not to give in
And he prayed

Lord, I don't know what's gonna happen
If You want to see me now, just know I'm willin'
Do what you have to do
For people to live long enough to know you

Slowly he closed his eyes
Then he imagined the skies
Seeing God in all His splendor
Knowing just what he did was right
And He says to fight

So...
Finish every single battle
Never stop till the very end
Learn every single lesson
Make just one more friend
Don't make more trouble than what's needed
For you to understand
Just fight

OH! Yeah...God Bless! =D
MyLifeHisWillUser is Offline

Posts:184

04/20/2009 9:44 PM  
Awsome!!!!!! I loved it!!!!!

I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life.
artyprincessUser is Offline

Posts:226


04/22/2009 5:09 AM  
Yeah - I'd love to hear it with the tune!! I am a bit of a poet, so I can appreciate poetry. :) Good job!

God Can.
NicoleUser is Offline

Posts:552


04/22/2009 7:35 PM  
Oh i loved the song! I'm not a writer, at least not for songs, but that was really good!

whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain
lugiebros.User is Offline

Posts:31


07/13/2009 9:39 PM  
its good . im more ointo lyrics that i am into the rythem, beats and other things. if you hadnt started yet, you should write the song with a musical instrament. my peferance is the guitar mainly acoustic, when its first written. i wish you the best with it.

i live to serve, love and care about others.
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Forums > Teen Online Forums > Advice From Fellow Readers > What Do You Think of My Song?



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